Dupe. Sucker. Patsy. Scapegoat. It's hurtful to admit it when such terms apply to us. Many of us — especially the meek and good-natured — find ourselves being taken advantage of occasionally. Friends, lovers, bosses and co-workers can be guilty of this. Surprisingly enough, strangers aren't as apt to do this as often as people you know and work with. Just proves that old saying, "Familiarity breeds contempt."

"Scapegoat" by El Collie

No one likes to be perceived as a "weakling." Even people who practically ask to be stepped on like a human "welcome mat" become upset and even angry when they realize what has happened to them. Yet many career victims repeat the same M.O.— offering to do other people's "dirty work," again and again. A common theme in the personality of professional "dupes" is the desire to be nice, to be "liked," or to avoid confrontation. The ironic result of such behavior is that it often achieves just the opposite of what the "pleaser" intended. Although the goal was to make the other party like them or approve of them, the "user" instead dislikes or disrespects the "victim," whom they see as feeble or stupid.

The best way to avoid these situations is to take a look at past patterns of behavior, and identify their causes. Sometimes it's a case of choosing "bully" personalities as friends or lovers; other times it's unavoidable (staying at a job with a toxic boss because we don't have "rainy day" money to tide us over if we quit). Whatever the reason, the cure for "victim" scenarios is to put yourself first. By "putting yourself first," I'm not talking about money, material goods or power. I'm referencing something much more important — emotional health and awareness. Many of us were raised to think of other people first and neglect our own basic emotional needs. This way of thinking is extremely unhealthy. Parents who hide or refuse to deal with their own unresolved emotional problems may take them out on their children in clandestine ways. This is especially true of parents who themselves were raised by abusive or tyrannical parents — they continue the cycle with their children if these issues are not addressed.

On a personal note, I was reminded of the importance of "putting yourself first" recently when the duties of a part-time job I had were changed abruptly. After resisting the impulse to quit outright, I put a plan in order to leave the job on my own terms. When I was younger, I would have worried about money, or a future job reference, or even whether I could be friends with my co-workers if I left them "in the lurch." Putting those values first — before my emotional and physical health — would have made me depressed and ill, and ultimately affected many other people negatively. The truth of the matter is that trying too hard to be "nice" is the worst thing you can do. Life experience has taught me that putting yourself first is not always selfish — sometimes it is the most selfless thing you can do.

Bio:
Marianne Moro is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles. Her writing has been featured in Manifest Way.com, Aquarius/Sign of the Times, Aribella.com and in many other publications and websites. She works part-time for a film trade magazine, and considers New Orleans her "home away from home."

Marianne can be reached at: Vkjade@aol.com