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[Comments on the Cosmos]

[Will the Times Hurry Up and Change Already?]

[Christine L. Reed]
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I want to marry my dog Jesse. He and I have been together for seven years, and never have you seen a more loving and committed relationship. He wakes me up gently, each morning; we spend our days together. He would defend me to his death. The chemistry is undeniable. He knows exactly when I need cheering up, and I know exactly when he needs to go out. Why would I want to replace him with any man? I don't like men. Men are sloppy and rude, and their feet smell. Other women don't impress me much, either. They are quite costly and spend way too much time being emotional.

Of course, Jesse and I could just keep living together merrily, as we always have, exchanging our unconditional love with each other. We don't need a piece of paper to prove how dedicated we are. But think of all the benefits afforded by marriage! We'll save money on our taxes, and think of the savings on veterinary bills when he can be covered by my health insurance! And believe me, my HMO will have to cover his bills, or they're going to have one hell of a discrimination suit on their hands!

It's just too bad that Jesse isn't working, though. His income could really help me land a mortgage for that new house I've always hoped we could buy. Perhaps I can help him find a nice job. I don't see any reason why a company would turn him down, especially with all of the equal-opportunity employers out there.

Well, I guess it doesn't make much sense to plan our marriage just yet. Seems as though the powers that be haven't yet made it legal for Jesse and me to exchange the vows of holy matrimony. It's only a matter of time, though.

Once the homosexual community breaks through and gets legislation passed that makes same-sex marriages legal, there will be one less brick in the wall of dusty, old institutions and outdated traditions. Yes, right after that wall comes crumbling down, Jesse and I will be free to walk down the aisle together. I already have Jesse's tux picked out. He looks smashing in black; it contrasts so well with his gorgeous white fur!

I've heard some folks talking about fathers being able to marry their daughters, and old men taking little boys as their child brides. Now, I think that's just sick and going too far, but, hey, who am I to judge true love? My neighbor wants to marry his Corvette. I think the line should be drawn at inanimate objects, but line-drawing gets societies into big trouble. If two people (or one person and an animal, or two shoes and a cockatoo), love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, no man's law should stand in their way.

Since laws do have a nasty habit of standing in our way, we need to abolish those stupid laws. In fact, all laws oppress someone, whether it be the mass murderer who isn't free to use his god-given talent or the starving homeless person who isn't allowed to walk into a grocery store and save his own life by taking whatever food he needs.

Laws being what they are today, I guess Jesse and I will settle in for a long engagement. Meanwhile, we'll be busy writing letters to our congressman, stamping them with Jesse's paw prints, and getting petitions signed on our nightly walks. I just know we'll be legally recognized, someday.

Until then, we'll just keep living in sin, knowing that someday our love will be validated by Uncle Sam, no matter what any psychologist, or my mother, for that matter, has to say about it!


Christine L. Reed is the editor and publisher of Maelstrom, a small press literary magazine. She lives in Tranquility with her three children and very large stacks of papers and books that probably have unpaid bills scattered amongst them. Her work has been published internationally in many magazines, anthologies and web venues including: Zuzu's Petals Quarterly, Kimera, Conspire, Recursive Angel, Thorny Locust and many others.

E-mail Christine L. Reed at


Other Opinions Articles...

[ Zen and the Art of Cuticle Maintenance ]
[ Managed Health Care: Stop the Oxymorons ]
[ The Times, They Are A-Changin' . . . Or Are They? ]
[ Will the Times Hurry Up and Change Already? ]


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