The stew of life...fear, anger, denial, acceptance, anticipation. These are the emotions that grab, toss and turn us through the winds of life.
From crises to catastrophes, we walk through them or wall them. To the extent that we are capable of flowing through them is the extent to which we are connected.
I walled them with rage fueled by drugs for most of my years. I looked through a cracked mirror, then, and saw what I loathed. On a steamy southern night I looked up to a black sky filled with diamonds. I crumpled and fell to my knees. "Please, God. Help me." Hot, shame-filled tears of surrender streamed down my face.
A deep down seed of love was planted and painfully nourished.
The day came when I could look back and see how I had gone through the winds, battling, flailing and surviving. A level of acceptance gradually crept into my heart. An event, the motion of life....
I got into my car the next morning for work with an odd feeling of calm. Is this denial? I wondered.
The cool crisp air bathed my face as I drove. The sky was a clear blue dabbed with tufts of cotton. People behind the wheels of their cars were intent, busy, rushed, frustrated as they jerked and pushed their way through the crowded traffic. I let them be, let them go first. I was not rushed, frustrated, busy, intent. I was.
On the concrete path to work, cars sped by at 80 and 90 miles an hour. I saw the top of the snow covered mountain in the distance. A frowning large car zoomed up behind me. I eased over to let the angry looking woman pass me by. Odd. I am not hurried, worried, stressed, angry, or fearful. What is going on here?
A group of children-cows frolicked off in a pasture. I laughed that I could see that.
Back home, I looked at myself in the mirror. Soft brown eyes looked back at me. I watched as my mouth grew into a wide smile.
The cracked mirror has healed to a scratch. I am connected and separate. I can see, hear, smell, taste the freedom. I am connected with the Universal Love and can see the love in all.
I am separate from the anger, blame, fear. It is not the truth.
Ten years in the stew to get to this one day.
A day to cherish.
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