Finding Ms., Miss, or Mrs. Right for Herself: Discovering Ourselves

Wendy Broad

Today, if you're not confused your're not thinking clearly.
---Irene Peter

How many times have you read an article entitled "How to Find Mr. Right" or "Making Yourself Right for Mr.Right"? Not to mention the numerous times we have heard the phrase "Mr.Right is just around the corner", or "She finally found the right one".

It is not as common for us, even in today's society, to find masses of literature in the main stream media promoting how to become the right one for you. It is my belief that in order to be the right one, make yourself right, or even to love another person, it takes a courageous act of deeply involved creativity. That's right, self-discovery-- learning who you are and creating the best life for you.

Skeptics may think finding out who you are to be a bit arrogant, self-centered, or even selfish. I think not. Finding out who Ms., Miss, or Mrs. Right is an act of love, courage, freedom, and enhances life for everyone around you. Therefore, to all of you who are wasting time searching for the wrong one let me direct you to yourself.

So, what makes this writer the expert?

Easy-- I am the expert on myself, and so are you on yourself. There isn't one set path to follow on the road to finding the right person for you and no one can be that expert for you. There are as many different ways to self-discovery as there are people in the world. I know, this sounds complicated; that's only because we are complicated. That is, we are a complex subject and you cannot be discovered overnight. Knowing yourself can be a life long journey, which is why I think it is so important to start early.

Finding that right one, as you know, is not easy. However, I believe it can be a heck of a lot easier once you become Ms. or Miss right for yourself. And, all of you Mrs. out their can enhance your life with that wonderful partner you already have. Then again, you may want to end what you discovered was a wrong choice for you in the first place, or decide you just want to be alone right now.

It's amazing what a woman may find out on a journey to herself. Maybe it's that long lost smile on her face, or the career or children she's always longed for. And, in my case it's a kaleidoscope of things I find everyday. Like a wonderful partner who brings that long lost smile back to my lips, or that I want to run a marathon and become a lawyer. You may also find yourself saying, "Finally! I found the job that's perfect for me!" or " Shit, my life is messed up, I'd better get creative here!" Whatever you find will be worth it, even if you find yourself saying, "My life is fine the way it is. I know who I am." Then you know that you know who you are.

The beauty of self-discovery is that the journey never ends. You begin to recognize that life is a dynamic process, and so are people. We are constantly growing, changing, deteriorating, or improving. We experience tragedy, joyous occasions, deep depression, birth and growth, rebirth, and much more. Rebirth is the concept encompassing the deeply involved creation of your life.

What I'm really talking about is a "nowhere to run and a nowhere to hide" approach to life. It's called personal responsibility. I think some women spend so much time being afraid that instead of doing what we want or is best for us we end up simply talking rather than doing. We say, "I'm afraid, or I can't, or no one will love me if I do." Ms., Miss or Mrs.Right would just be doing it, whatever "it" evolved from finding her right self.

Becoming involved in the process of self-discovery requires time alone. I personally recommend a lot of time alone to experience life. Although, I love sharing my time with others, or I should say one special other. Being alone is a necessity for woman's rebirth and personal growth.

My time alone, I find to be the most insightful time for me. You don't have the outside distractions from friends, family, partners or society. Blocking out external forces on our lives can bring a much clearer picture of who we are and what we are really thinking and feeling. Gaining knowledge about yourself awards you power to break free from stereotypes, sexual hang-ups, and other negative socialization we may have experienced. Self-knowledge can enhance the already wonderful moments a woman has had, thus bringing more happiness to her life. The empowerment that comes with becoming the right one gives woman the strength to withstand pressures to conform to others expectations of her.

Finding Miss, Ms. or Mrs. Right may be the most challenging, yet rewarding, endeavor woman experiences. She may find God or lose all sight of God, discover that God is female or that God is the most ludicrous idea man ever created. More optimistically, she may learn that she is a goddess among many.

Whatever a woman decides to do, she is worth the quest of finding Ms., Miss, or Mrs. Right. Finding herself by herself is doing, moving, and creating. And as they say--the rest is her story.