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Kim L. Vanover
Tarot Card: Temperance by Julie Waters
Ah, being a Woman.
It definitely has its ups and downs.
Like trying to make myself believe I'm pretty. Of course, without all the silicone and plastic, I'll never be one of "the beautiful people", but I continue to try, paying for costly clothes, makeup, expensive hairdos. Let's not forget the never-ending diet and exercise!
I go to the gym, sweat profusely and try to look good while I pedal away. Then, just like the commercials, I'm expected to emerge from the locker room dressed to the nines, with makeup and glowing hair. I don't care how much Pert Plus I use--I leave looking like I need a nap and looking forward to it!
Lately, the fashion designers are kind enough to design for the "larger-sized woman." Women aren't called "fat" anymore, isn't that nice? However, it does leave me wondering if we will ever be recognized as "normal."
In the department stores, everything from bras to negligees are all crammed into one space in the women's department but in the men's department, the briefs are here, while the socks are over there. Also, did you ever notice that women's sizes are in widths and men's in height? It seems to me the jeans for the "well proportioned woman" are always on the clearance rack. I've always wanted to take a seat and just wait for that woman to walk in.
The cosmetics counter is another folly. My youth was spent without appreciating my soft, supple skin, preferring instead to spend time and money constantly buying astringents to dry out my pores. Now that I am a little older, I spend even more time and money using lotions to return my dried out skin to the soft, suppleness of my youth. I use morning creams, day creams, and night lotions, slathering the magic potions from head to toe daily. I'm surprised I don't slide right out of the bed!
The amount of TV commercials touting what I consider to be "very personal" items seems a bit overdone. My step-father remarked they advertise tampons so often, he almost feels compelled to buy an emergency supply. My nephew wanted to know why they come in different sizes. This topic sure made me wish his mother was home.
Men can't really want to know about all the items we have to use from time to time: Tampax, Kotex (with wings, for goodness sake), Semicid, Mycelex, Summer's Eve. Let's face it. Calgon isn't all it's professed to be; I've yet to be taken far enough away.
I did have fun with my Massengil. One night my husband noticed how "long" the applicator was. I stayed in the bathroom a good-long-time, then emerged with a huge grin. From the quizzical look on his face, I think he was suspicious about being replaced.
Being propositioned is always interesting too. In between each magical kiss and caress, I'm running through a mental checklist: On cycle-yes or no? Yeast-yes or no? Wearing panties with tear in waistband-yes or oh, no!
Ah, being a woman.
Kim L. Vanover lives in Florida with her husband of seventeen years. Born in Louisville, Kentucky, she enjoys writing, reading books (Dean Koontz variety), golf and bowling. She is one of the "larger-sized women" who, despite a military career, continues to try to be one of the "beautiful people."
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